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Archive for December, 2011

An Undivided Heart

“Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart” Psalm 86: 11

I have been sitting on the fence for a while now. I think it is called procrastination. Yet, I am not sure that it is. I have been waiting for an answer. An answer to a situation that is really important to me but am not able to “see” which way to go. And it is important. That is why I am waiting.

But waiting is not fun. It involves thinking and unless that is controlled, thinking can do you no good whatsoever. I have spent my life thinking. Thinking and seeking.But when answers do not appear and thinking becomes wondering and wondering leaves you flat then it is time to make a move.

I have sometimes found that a good smooth coffee can help a little way in kick starting the “way to go”. It creates a reaction in the brain that leads to something being done. That may be just getting the clothes in the washing machine or filing some of the papers that have piled high like a paper sculpture which wouldn’t look out of place in the Tate Modern. Something may have been done but in the end a thinking brain needs the satisfaction of answers, or a result of thinking and doing. Yes, the washing is now clean and the papers are now neatly in the binder but there is something more, something to be discovered. Something that surely I can do to help carve a future that is brighter and more energetic, more fruitful. Then I stop and think again. Something else arouses my curiosity into which I do a little research and come up with some answers. And that information is stored in the deep recesses of my mind to be used, maybe, at a later stage. If only my brain were linked to a television or computer where everything inside was streamed and categorised neatly and I could take a step back and assess.

So, here I am, just thinking. . . oh Lord, “teach me your way and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart”. Please show me which way to go that I might dive in, get involved and maybe get mucky in the process. I don’t want to sit on the fence any longer. I want a field where there is growth and life and laughter. People and love and friendship. Where judgement does not exist and I can just be. Where life is life and acceptance and truth are friends. Where thinking leads to action and not a mind of unused, even unnecessary, information.

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