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Archive for September, 2012

A Still Heart

I am not here for me. I have realized that the decisions that I made when I was younger were not in fact so disastrously wrong as I had supposed at the time. In fact each decision was an opportunity for growth, acceptance and trust in an amazing Father who is God.

Wherever we are placed in life, we have been given an opportunity to learn more of Him. We may be in a situation which seems too big for us to handle or where we do not get on easily with those around us. But how do we react? Do we hide away and withdraw from the world hoping that by doing so we will avoid the person or situation facing us? Or do we embrace the challenge and ask God to walk with us head on into the situation and teach us how to deal with where we are at. I used to be the former – “shrinking violet”. I did not know how to communicate with anyone! I was so shy that I developed crazy phobias and mind patterns. My mind would conjure up stories of why someone was looking at me a certain way or how my life would end up (usually a dismal scenario). I could see the positive in nothing. My life was, in my eyes, a dreadful mistake and I was only here as a pawn or something to be mocked or laughed at. I was eternally doomed to a life of dealing with my head and its ridiculous thought-life rather than actually living.

“Be still and know that I am God”

In order to avoid people and situations I would fill any spare time with activities such as swimming and running just to get away. I would swim or run for miles. I thought that by doing so that these thoughts would evaporate or vanish. Actually they just worsened because I had exhausted myself so much that I couldn’t think straight and so the cycle continued.

“Be still”

I couldn’t. I tried. Neither physically nor mentally.

When I ran, I used to take my CD Walkman or IPod. A song often played with the lyrics “Slow down, right down, remember it’s just you and me”. I was sure that God was speaking to me in those words but it took years before I could do just that.

“Know that I am God”

Jesus walked with God. He didn’t frantically run for miles “searching” for Him. He was there in His heart. He knew God intimately. How do we get to know someone intimately? We spend time with them. We learn about God by reading the Bible, praying and listening for Him. With all my frantic running, it is no wonder that I couldn’t hear Him.

Now when I wake up, I have learned not to allow my thoughts to suddenly take over and dictate how my day should begin. Before they start racing, I grab a cup of tea (and rusk), open up my Bible, ask God to reveal what He wants to teach me through His word that day and I learn of Him. Immediately my heart is stilled because I KNOW that He is in control, He leads me on, He fights on my behalf, He is my shelter and my rock and He will deal with my thoughts when I take them captive and give them to Him. Allelujah!!

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