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Archive for October, 2014

When God wants to do a new thing, He wants to do a new thing and He will do that new thing!

On 30th October 2014 I realised that God had once again brought me to a very low point (you may have realised through reading my previous posts that things were getting a little bit gloomy!). I realised  that, once again, I had been trying to do things my way.

In this world it is all about what I can do, what I can achieve and what I’ve got! When you realise that you haven’t “got a lot” (materially), you haven’t achieved much (in terms of career) and that every time you try to do something you are filled with so much doubt and anxiety that you get nothing done, in the world’s eyes you could be called a FAILURE!

But wait – we do not live for the world. We are in it but not of it. In fact, as soon as you realise that you are a “failure” in the world, you have actually come to a place where God can start working with you. In a sense you are empty. But you must fully surrender to Him. We were NOT in fact made for the world. You were made for God’s design and purposes and unless you can fully accept that, He will never use you, at least not fully anyway.

So, start praising God for who He is – not for what you are! “Log in” to the power of the Trinity and begin to flow in the Almighty blessings reserved for God’s people. He deserves your highest praise. He deserves your all in all. AND HE is the King of all kings to which ALL knees must bow.

Thank you God that I realised that I am a failure in this world. Thank you that I am a precious jewel for the Kingdom – a shining light in a dark place, full of potential. Full of hope for a bright future.

Accept it – you were made for God. Nothing else. What He has given you – give back to Him. See increase. See joy. See blessings. Most of all see who you really are. A warrior princess. A soldier fighting for God’s army. A messenger for Christ. A tool in incredible hands. Full of purpose. Full of love. And full of God. Be prepared for a tremendous journey with the most able, most sure, most trustworthy guide. You will never go wrong if you put your full trust in Him. Praise be to God. The King of all kings. An incredible source. From beginning to end.

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What do you do when there is something very dark eating at you, gnawing at you, like scavengers trying to eat a carcass that is not actually dead, yet? What do you do when there is no strength left in you to shoo them away, let alone yell for help?

Just whisper to the Lord. He will come to your side. The Lion, from whom all other animals flee. He will come and stand by you. He will lick your wounds, strengthen you AND be your strength. He will stand over you and protect you. He will be your shade at your right hand. He will allow no other enemy to come near. And He will wait with you until all is clear. You can depend on Him.

Just call Him and wait.

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When I was told again, “You’re looking thin!” I almost cried. Actually I DID cry but stifled the tears. When I went home I told my husband that every time I hear that comment it is just as bad as someone being told they look too fat! People don’t tend to tell others when they are looking too fat.

I don’t intentionally lose weight but it happens very very easily. With stress, hurt, anything that upsets me and actually I don’t have a big appetite but I eat.

With that last person’s comments I decided that I would do something about it and embark on the journey of weight gain but this is going to be just as difficult as someone who needs to lose weight. It involves the mind, the will, dealing with thoughts, planning, research, and a desire to eat. But I don’t want to just eat everything and anything, I am too health conscious for that.

Step one: I have given up something that caused a hurt in my life recently. I will not go into details but decided that it is not necessary to revisit a place that keeps opening an old wound. Even if this means losing friends – I will not allow that fragile heart to crack again. And then lose more weight.

Step two: research healthy weight gaining foods.

Step three: research exercise methods that help build muscle mass without looking strangely bulky or manly – I am a woman after all. Another point in question – I don’t want to look like a “girl” anymore. Ooh, to have womanly curves!!

Step four: having mentioned my fragile heart, look at ways of strengthening my heart both physically and spiritually.

Step five: study. Something – anything. Keep my mind active so that I do not allow or entertain thoughts about myself or how I look or feel.

Step six: pursue a creative project to satisfy my inner need to create.

Step seven: know that through it all God is walking with me, guiding me, strengthening me and loving me. Study the Word of God and hold onto the pillar of truth which is in the Bible.

Proverbs 16:24 (KJV) Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Proverbs 3:8 (KJV)  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 4:22 (KJV) For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.

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The Finest Glass

Don’t break me anymore.

My heart encased in the finest glass. Cracks with every look of contempt.

My crime – I spoke up.

My crime is that I spoke the truth, from the very place that you are now breaking.

I spoke the truth and you did not like it.

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It is no secret

It’s no secret when I suddenly cried at the gym. What! I have been trying to hide the terrible feeling inside. The gym, so I thought would be a place of refuge where I feel pretty confident in my ability to exercise. BUT. Then I cried. I was stretching and doing some old ballet moves on the barre. I thought stretching would be good. Leg sideways on the barre and stretch. But no, the tears started to fall. Control yourself. I lay on the floor and closed my eyes. Why am I so consumed with doubt. I remembered the picture I had yesterday. I was walking with a beautiful lion. Like Aslan. Large, strong, with padded feet, thick fur, a stunning wavy mane. Beside Him I felt strong and confident. Then when I saw myself without him I panicked. This lion is God. He is always with me. Will never leave me. When I lay in bed last night with the thoughts of doubt and hurt, I saw the lion licking my wounds. Comforting and protecting. I thank God for that picture. It was so real – I could touch the creature. My protector and strength. He really is!

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