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Archive for the ‘Observations’ Category

2017

2017 is almost upon us. My first thought for next year is to “be prepared”. Our old Brownie motto. More than ever do I realise its importance in life. Next year I want to be prepared.

I also want to have little tea gatherings for some of the mommies and kids. That is a first. So that I can make friends and Ewan can be a friend.

I turned 40 this year and did nothing except have a meal with immediate family. I realised it slipped by without so much as a balloon or birthday cake. I realise also that that made me sad. I have been learning about sowing and reaping. I am not sowing into the friendship thing therefore not reaping either. I need to start sowing in this area.

2017 is a year of sowing. The fruit may only come later.

I will create gifts for birthdays and I will have little tea gatherings. Maybe even craft parties. This all requires thought and preparation. I will use my diary and do things early.

Lord, you know my heart more than me. You know my need for friendship in a place that is not my home, where even the seasons are different and life starts earlier. Father, I commit to you once again my life, my thoughts, my dreams and my prayers. Guide me in being a blessing to others and to use my gifts and talents as I need. I pray for a bigger capacity to do all that I need to do and I pray for a radical change in our financial situation. In Jesus’ name I pray these things.

 

 

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I felt broken today. It is the year end and I am tired.

I heard a couple of mothers at school saying they would see each other tomorrow and then quickly trying to hide the fact from me. I know that there is another child’s birthday party tomorrow and Ewan has not been invited. I know also that Ewan did not have a party this year because his Nanna was in ICU and it didn’t seem right. I know that I wanted more than anything to have a party for Ewan. But this party thing has got my heart all knotted up. More than anything I want to give to the other parents and kids as they have given to us – a nice party for their kids and therefore our kids.

Ewan deserves a party. He has been so good. He has enjoyed WHPS and his friends.

But we are having a party for Skye, and Ewan is inviting a few of his friends. At least.

Lord, remind me what is important in raising our children. Please clarify each day what is right and good. Give me a teachable heart. Let me hear your voice in all the chaos. I pray for a natural flow of your heart in all that I do. In Jesus’ Name I pray.

 

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A Mother’s Heart

More than anything else, being a mother has caused my heart to be completely broken and re-healed. Being a mother has taught me sacrifice, love, pain and given me a fighting spirit. Not to say that there are days when I feel I can no longer go on.

I believe that God has given us children in order to develop our character – if we allow Him. I would not recommend having children if you are not prepared for this.

I love my children so much. But having a heart and soul as sensitive as mine means that I am in for a rough time should anyone do or say anything that will hurt my kids. In fact, it may not even hurt my kids but it will hurt me.

I pray more than anything that Ewan and Skye are steadfast in spirit. That through thick and thin they can stand strong and not be swayed by the world’s standards of living. I pray that they are so rooted in love that their fruit is likewise.

Lord, help me in parenthood. Guide my thoughts and life. Give me a very firm place to stand. I pray for a home rooted and established in you. May my life reflect your glory to live it out as best I can to reach the generations to come; starting with Ewan and Skye. In Jesus’ name I pray.

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Green Light

Travelling home. Sometimes you want a straight run through – all the lights green.

But life doesn’t work like that.

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I have just turned 40 and oh how I cried. I wept in fact.

But with that something else was beginning to dawn in my heart, and in my mind. I have reached a point where I have suddenly decided to let go. It was like a huge sun was shining and declaring itself over the next decade. I had indeed climbed to the top of a hill on reaching my new decade but it was not the hill as I had previously supposed.

Beyond this hill is a landscape of beautiful mountains and valleys filled with colour and lush vegetation. The sky is vast in shades of pastel and blue. There is much much more beyond this current hill.

Inside of me is a desire to break free as if I had been shackled too long by my own thinking. It is time to finally surrender to God’s way, now with the knowledge that His ways are altogether far more interesting then my own ever were. It is time to leap off this hill that I have been clinging to for far too long, as if it were safe. As if it were all I had.

It is time to leap like the para-glider and allow God’s currents to lift my sails and soar and allow Him to take me on a new journey with Him fully in control.

There is vast scenery ahead. He will take me to the heights where I can see it all. But He will also take me in to land in the right places where I must become involved in life and people, to form relationships and all that that brings. This is a new journey. An exciting journey and God will always be with me. Yes, I have a husband and two beautiful children. We are all in this together.

Okay, I am strapped in. Let’s go!

 

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On the Bus

I saw you there,

On the bus.

You seemed like a child – shy, bashful.

Maybe you were trying to give that impression.

We were going to the same venue.

We ended up going together.

My mum with us.

You bought us Highland Spring Water.

I was silently touched.

Thoughtful, I thought.

We watched the play,

But I was slightly distracted that evening.

On the bus home you said goodbye as I got off.

You were going slightly further than me.

That was nice,

I thought.

I didn’t forget.

 

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Slow Down

And I heard him say, “Slow down”. How can I in this world, slow down? Everything is so fast, so “NOW”. But he said it again, “slow down”. I am learning. It is not easy, but it seems that as I slow down I can get more done. I think things through and then I do. One thing at a time. I learn to appreciate things along the way. I see more of what is around me.And each task is done with more precision and thoughtfulness.

 

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