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Green Light

Travelling home. Sometimes you want a straight run through – all the lights green.

But life doesn’t work like that.

I have just turned 40 and oh how I cried. I wept in fact.

But with that something else was beginning to dawn in my heart, and in my mind. I have reached a point where I have suddenly decided to let go. It was like a huge sun was shining and declaring itself over the next decade. I had indeed climbed to the top of a hill on reaching my new decade but it was not the hill as I had previously supposed.

Beyond this hill is a landscape of beautiful mountains and valleys filled with colour and lush vegetation. The sky is vast in shades of pastel and blue. There is much much more beyond this current hill.

Inside of me is a desire to break free as if I had been shackled too long by my own thinking. It is time to finally surrender to God’s way, now with the knowledge that His ways are altogether far more interesting then my own ever were. It is time to leap off this hill that I have been clinging to for far too long, as if it were safe. As if it were all I had.

It is time to leap like the para-glider and allow God’s currents to lift my sails and soar and allow Him to take me on a new journey with Him fully in control.

There is vast scenery ahead. He will take me to the heights where I can see it all. But He will also take me in to land in the right places where I must become involved in life and people, to form relationships and all that that brings. This is a new journey. An exciting journey and God will always be with me. Yes, I have a husband and two beautiful children. We are all in this together.

Okay, I am strapped in. Let’s go!

 

On the Bus

I saw you there,

On the bus.

You seemed like a child – shy, bashful.

Maybe you were trying to give that impression.

We were going to the same venue.

We ended up going together.

My mum with us.

You bought us Highland Spring Water.

I was silently touched.

Thoughtful, I thought.

We watched the play,

But I was slightly distracted that evening.

On the bus home you said goodbye as I got off.

You were going slightly further than me.

That was nice,

I thought.

I didn’t forget.

 

Slow Down

And I heard him say, “Slow down”. How can I in this world, slow down? Everything is so fast, so “NOW”. But he said it again, “slow down”. I am learning. It is not easy, but it seems that as I slow down I can get more done. I think things through and then I do. One thing at a time. I learn to appreciate things along the way. I see more of what is around me.And each task is done with more precision and thoughtfulness.

 

An Ocean Within

There is an ocean in my soul. Sometimes calm, sometimes tumultuous. I no longer question its state. For if I were to sail the seas in a sail boat, I would guide the boat according to the ocean’s conditions. I would be prepared no matter what I face.

The Walk

Long, arduous, rocky. I walk on. There are stones in the way, and unexpected rocks and sticks and wood. Tree stumps cause me to stumble. I keep at it. It is not easy. A patch of open space and thick grass. A small rickety bench to sit on. I sit there. Looking in the direction from where I came. Was it worth it.

But then I look in the direction I am going. It looks like more of the same. Why continue? Should I just turn back?

Just keep going. It will be worth it. Who says so?

I carry on after sipping some water from my bottle. Actually, I like this difficult walk. My legs feel stronger. I have fresh air on my face. My breathing is better. I begin to hope for rockier places. The more challenging the landscape the stronger I become. I wrap my jersey around me. I feel more free. As I am beginning to enjoy the challenge, I look ahead. I see the summit. It is still a wee way away. But it is reachable. In fact there is a dip before I get there and then a steep climb upwards. I push on. When you see the goal insight it becomes easier. I go faster. My feet move swiftly, lightly.

2 Samuel 22 v 33-37

God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.
He maketh my feet like hinds’ feet: and setteth me upon my high places.
He teacheth my hands to war; so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great.
Thou hast enlarged my steps under me; so that my feet did not slip.
The last bit is the hardest but since the goal is in sight I have the strength to do it.
At the top. The climb was worth it. My heart beats loud and fast. My breathing deep, gulping in the beautiful air around me. I lie on the grass, staring at the sky. I feel closer to heaven. When I look around me, the views are outstanding. I look to where I have come from. Everything so small. Away from the pace of every day life. This is life. This is reality. This is me. Free, strong, healthy, alive.

The Highland Song

My soul is the deepest loch, my heart as free as the fresh air above. The wind tries to unsettle me. But I stand firm.

I want to shout through the valleys. Let my voice be heard between the mountains. “I am alive. I am here.”

And in the trickling burn there is peace. A gentle song. The Highland song.